Crimedog.com

Thank you Lord

Jimmy — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 15:52:58 +0000

I want to give you thanks today for a few reasons. First though, my apologies for not posting sooner… allow me to explain. First off – Crimedog had a rough weekend if you saw my picks. Luckily, my bookie gave me an out on Sunday night. I had to take it – and I took it real hard if you know what I mean. (I got raped anally – seriously, I took it hard but I was in a bad spot like I said. Do you get it now?) After that, I realized that I had my quadruple pick special on the Monday night game and I thought to myself “FUCK, I didn’t necessarliy need to do that! I could make up for the bad day and then some if my boys came through on Monday night! FUCK!” With all that being said, I decided to put off the Church league debut for yet another week to attend the game at the Death Star and its a good thing I did, because it looks like we would have pounded them even harder if I was there and that wasn’t needed this week. Look out next week though you fuckin church league, you guys will wish it was still Sunday morning. OK, back to the matter at hand. Those fuckin Cowboys gave me a scare at half time, and I thought I might be in for another compromising situation. So I decided to go out with a blaze of glory in the upper deck when I picked a fight with 4 black guys wearing what looked to be Panthers gear. Right after I dropped about 8 N bombs in about 15 seconds, I looked to my right and saw the Angry Rattler start whaling on the biggest of the 4 guys (was Colby ever in prison?). It was so crazy and scary that the rest of us just stopped and watched. It was just like Ed Norton in Fight Club when he was pummeling that guy. Am I ramling here? Well, let me make a long story short. The Cowboys won, me and the Rattler went out and picked up a couple of gay hookers, took them over to my bookie and paid them my winnings to violate that son of a bitch! FUCK YOU BO!!!!!

NFL Pick Time and Softball Thoughts

Jimmy — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 14:23:55 +0000

First lets go to my softball thoughts for this week. a) We better fuckin play this week. b) I better be scheduled to make the Comp team lineup this week so I can kick me some Church Ass! c) What ever happened to Colby? d) DaBears COMP 12, First Baptist Red 5. e) Ditka will kick the dog fuck out of Decra Steel this week… those fuckin fags.

Now on to the NFL. As you all know, I work with Norm and here is how I advised him this week:

Dallas -8.5 in a quadruple play to cover vs. Carolina
Dallas in a double play (or as I call it, a Peters) to go over in points (47.7) because the ‘Boys should win this on about 65-13.
Tennessee +2.5 over NY Jets
Houston -4 over Jacksonville
KC +9 at Philly
Cleveland +13.5 at Baltimore
Tampa Bay +6.5 vs. NY Football Giants
Detroit +6.5 vs. Washington
Green Bay -6.5 at St. Louis
San Francisco +7 at Minnesota
New England -4 vs. Atlanta
Chicago -2.5 at Seattle
New Orleans -6 at Buffalo
A Whale’s Vagina -5.5 vs. Miami
Pittsburgh -4 at Cincy
Denver -1.5 at Oakland
Arizon -2.5 vs. Indy

Let me hear from ya, you fuckin homo.

are you fucking kidding me????

Jimmy — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 00:57:29 +0000

It is obvious that The Good Sweet Lord Baby Jesus hates me. And probably Kabakoff. But this is fucking ridiculous!
Or, maybe he was just trying to protect those A Holes from SUCOC church?
Either way, this is bullshit and I am going to kick the shit out of someone at Arroyo tonight.
Don’t fuck with me jerkoff.

Here are the Crimedog gameday thoughts…

Jimmy — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 13:04:56 +0000

I lost a lot of cash yesterday so I’m pissed off yet excited about softball, so listen up assholes.
1. Fuck you Tony Romo
2. Fuck you Tom Brady
3. Fuck you Chargers and Steelers.
4. Fuck you Tim Baggett for giving Ditka a bye
5. Fuck you Nick and Barbara for having your baby the same week as I make my competitive team debut
6. Fuck you Jimmy if you don’t bat me cleanup
Good luck to the church team that has to deal with me, the Angry Crimedog tonight!
Go to hell fags.

Hello To Da Bear Nation!

Jimmy — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 17:38:25 +0000

As you all know, the Crimedog is among the September call ups to Da Bears competitive team. I’m sure you also know that it is fuckin bullshit that I haven’t been called up sooner. I mean, Kaby and Nick and no Crimedog?? Come on. Oh well, we’ll get back to who I’m better than in a bit but now prepare to take a Crimedog sneak peak at the so called church league competition.

by Crimedog.com September 18, 2009 at 2:27 pm edit comment

We start off this preview with the Tate Springs. Now I hear from some of those old fuckin Bears that this team is pretty good and has beaten the comp Bears team in the bottom of the final inning in the past 2 games. They even have some “real bears” on that team. My thoughts on that are simply; fuck them! We will destroy them if I’m in the lineup that night. Give me Da Bears to pound their shit by 3 1/2.

by Crimedog.com September 18, 2009 at 2:29 pm edit comment

FRBC Blue. These guys have one player that plays worth a shit, and its their short stop. We will knock them around like Josh did that dirty whore on his birthday when we play them. Give me Da Bears by 5.

by Crimedog.com September 18, 2009 at 2:29 pm edit comment

SUCOC. These team needs to relocate from the church league to the handicapped league. I’m sure these bunch of ratards are very nice and they try real hard (just like a few of our “players”). But that won’t be enough to challenge the new Crimedog-led DaBears comp. DaBears will roll them back to their wheel chair league. Bears by 11.

by Crimedog.com September 18, 2009 at 2:31 pm edit comment

SUCOC II. Really? So sucoc 1 was so successful, you decided to start a second team? Who do you think you are, Da Bears Nation? You all better pray. Give me Bears by double digits. I’d even favor a Peters/Checkeye/Nick lead team against these fuckholes.

by Crimedog.com September 18, 2009 at 2:31 pm edit comment

First Baptist Green. As I’m writing this, I remember what the Great Softball Jesus tells me about most of these teams and this group of whiners sums up his statement perfectly: “in their minds, praying at the end of the game makes up for the pathetic play, poor sportsmanship, cussing and complaining”. Softball Jesus also said this;: “I think their third baseman is the biggest cry baby in softball”. Da Bears by 4 1/2.

Tate Springs II. Again. Why bother? Da Bears by 13.

by Crimedog.com September 18, 2009 at 2:32 pm edit comment

First Baptist Red. These pussies are a bunch of cry-baby faggits from what I have observed. Last time Da Bears were in the same league, they got their asses kicked to high holy hell head to head, and then ended up crying when DaBears won the tie-breaker. Look for Da Bears plus 6 1/2 when this game comes up.
Pussies.

by Crimedog.com September 18, 2009 at 2:33 pm edit comment

Now back to who am am better than.
Kabay. I’m not as fast as the second fastest player on DaBears but I think my average is double his.
Nick. Like Kab, he is fast but hits like ass.
Jimmy. Short, weak, and losing what seems to be a step per season.
Jeffrey. Not as short or as week as big bro, but is also on the decline.
Wagnon. If he stays healthy, he can hit about as good as me and plays good defense. I’ll put this in there as a tossup.
Jake. I like Jake, but give me some more me.
Softball Jesus. I love Softball Jesus.
Danny. Good pitcher, whacky baserunner, great grill man, and pretty good hitter. All equals second tier behind me.
Bo. He, Wagnon and Wallis are the only real players other than the ol Crimedog that can play with any team out there. We will carry the team this season and try to make up for the deficiencies of Kab, Nick, Jimmy, Poochie and others.

by Crimedog.com September 18, 2009 at 2:34 pm edit comment